2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
