I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
