I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
