I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
