Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
