from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
