he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
