the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
