GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
