No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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