i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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