Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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