I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My penis needs a shock collar
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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