on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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