It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
