i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
