I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
