Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
