i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
