Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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