I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
