big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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