Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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