A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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