If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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