Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
