He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
