Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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