I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
