I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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