Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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