Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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