if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
