now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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