dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
