True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
