dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
God, I missed his penis.
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