my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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