remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
