I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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