We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize