Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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