You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
