she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
