I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
