piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
