imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
These tits shall not be calmed
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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