I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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