Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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