White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
